Can't Even X in Ohio
unable to obtain junk within the state of.
It's unfortunate, I lack the ability to have a single valueless substance whilst residing within Ohio. No junk for me, unfortunately.
Regrettably, I can't possess a single feces within the state of. No garbage to be found in this region, unfortunately. Lack the ability to own nonsense in the great state of Ohio.
Unfortunately, I don't have the ability to obtain any junk during the time living within Ohio. No garbage to be found around here, sadly. I am without even a trace of matter within Ohio.
Regrettably, it is beyond my control to acquire a single crap while residing in Ohio. There is no crap available within these boundaries, unfortunately. I lack the ability to possess a single feces inside the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh my, regrettably I am constrained to possess any nonsense whilst living within the state of Ohio. No nonsense in my possession, alas. I lack any of dung inside Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I lack the capacity to obtain even a single shit whilst residing within the state of Ohio. No crap to be found in Ohio, regrettably. I am unable to have any material in the great state of Ohio.
Oh, what a shame it is that I am incapable to acquire the slightest bit of junk while residing inside Ohio. No junk in my possession, unfortunately. I lack any material inside the great state of Ohio.