Can't possess waste within the state of.
Unfortunately, I lack the ability to acquire any valueless matter while living inside Ohio. No nonsense to be found here, unfortunately.
Regrettably, I am unable to acquire a single rubbish in Ohio. No garbage to be found in these parts, unfortunately. Unable to obtain junk in the great state of OH.
Unfortunately, I don't have the ability to possess even the smallest speck of garbage while residing in the enchanting state of. No nonsense to be found in the vicinity, unfortunately. I am bereft of any excrement within Ohio.
Sadly, it is beyond my control to obtain even a tiny bit of crap while located in Ohio. There is no crap to be found in this area, sadly. I lack the ability to own a single substance inside the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh my, unfortunately I am unable to acquire a single waste during residing in the state of Ohio. No garbage to be found here, unfortunately. I don't have even a trace of feces in Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I can't to acquire the slightest bit of shit whilst staying inside the state of Ohio. No junk available here, regrettably. I am unable to have the tiniest amount of waste in the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I am incapable to obtain any nonsense while staying inside Ohio. No crap to be found here, alas. I am unable to obtain any excrement inside the great state of Ohio.